Breaking up with someone you thought you would be with forever is devastatingly painful. After the break up you feel like your life is in autopilot mode, the days go slower and although you try to keep yourself busy, your new-found loneliness gets to you at night.
Here are some tips to keep you going:
- Delete their number and previous conversations: Keeping numbers and WhatsApp conversations will make things much worse than they already are. You’ll be tempted to talk to them because that’s what you’re used to and that doesn’t help anyone in the situation.
- Delete them off social media: Stalking your ex on socials will make you upset, so why do it? Focus on you and forget about them, you don’t need to know what they’re doing.
- Remember why you broke up: After a break up we tend to look at the relationship with rose-tinted glasses and everything looks good when reminiscing but in reality the relationship wasn’t. That’s what loneliness does to you, it makes you forget all the pain suffered and crave comfort and company because that’s what you’re used to. But then you have to ask yourself, “did that person give me the comfort and company I needed or did I constantly have to beg for it?” If you have something that can remind you why you broke up keep it hidden somewhere on your phone, e.g. A break up text, a screenshot or write yourself a letter in your notes.
Don’t let loneliness drive you into the arms of someone who doesn’t deserve you. - Surround yourself with friends and family who love you:Don’t lock yourself away from the world for extended periods of time, it will make you feel like you have no one that cares for you, but you do.
- Let your emotions out: Cry, scream, go for a jog, write your feelings down in your journal and close the page, watch your favourite movies, cry some more. You’re allowed to be upset.
- It’s better to be alone, than staying in bad company:
Self-explanatory, it’s better to be sad and single than being unhappy and in a bad relationship where your needs and feelings are constantly ignored making you feel sad all the time. You’ll get over your initial sadness of being single over time and be grateful that things ended. - Being single gives you the chance to be 100% invested in yourself🥂: There are so many benefits to being single, you literally have all the time in the world to get to know yourself better. How is that not a blessing?
- Being single allows you to take opportunities without consulting others and their feelings e.g. Travelling. You could travel the world and not think how would my partner feel?
- You can take the time to figure out what’s important to you and what qualities you want in your next partner.
- You have the time to start things you have been procrastinating about e.g. a blog, a business venture, reading your bible more, taking care of your health (although this should always be important, but it’s easy to forget about yourself in a relationship).
- You learn to appreciate your amazing qualities: your beauty, kindness to others, your ability to turn bad situations around.
- Most importantly, you can find peace in solitude. You learn how to enjoy your own company, do stuff on your own and not depend on anyone else.
- Don’t take things to the extreme:
Don’t put yourself in dangerous situations because you’re sad. Binge-drinking and taking drugs will bring you pain, not peace. - There’s someone out there for everyone:
If someone isn’t treating you well, giving you the love and comfort you deserve or meeting your standards, dump them because someone else surely will. I’m a strong believer that there is someone out there for everyone so don’t settle because life is too short. - Lastly, don’t rush the process:
Break ups are hard and you can’t rush getting over someone. So take each day as it goes, don’t hide your emotions and learn how to find peace in being single, it’s worth it.
7 Comments
Well structured and a great advice.
Thank you!
Life is a journey that is endless. When we pick a destination is clear on our mind how we want to get there. Life is so unpredictable that even the best mind can’t fathom it out.
Hello Sarah. I just read your post and I understand how heartbreaks feel. There is a strategy one can use to avoid heartbreaks, or to lessen the effects when it happens. If you can keep an open mind, here is my advise.
There is a way to reduce the effects of heartbreak. The secret is to experience God’s love. I know this sounds weird but let me explain my perspective here. You see, God is our creator and he loves us more than anyone on earth could ever love us. Unlike humans, God does not break up with us, he does not leave us, he does not try to hurt us, he does not forsake us, and he does not cheat us or cheat on us. People hold the perception that God is simply an idea, however, in actuality God is a living being. There are people who have very real relationships with God. Some people even hear a clear inner voice from God from time to time. God is very real and he is paying attention to each and every one of us and to what we are doing. When we build a relationship with God, we are able to tap into his unending love. God’s love is very practical. God is generous and has the power to bless you with the things that you need when you take these things to him in prayer. Everything from a car, to a house, to a good husband, everything, nothing is too much for God. God also blesses his people with spiritual gifts i.e. the gift of vision, the gift of prophetic dreams, the gift of healing etc as he wills. Above all of these, if you have a relationship with God, he would also bless you with eternal life, which means that after you die in this life, you would be resurrected again into a life where you would live forever.
Alright, so how does everything that I stated above help to reduce heartbreak? Here’s why: Firstly, knowing and experiencing God’s love, and receiving beautiful gifts and blessings from him would make us feel worthy. It would make us feel loved. When we feel worthy and loved before going into a relationship, we would be confident in the relationship. We would not be relying on the relationship to help us feel worthy and loved, because we already had this with God before the relationship. In a relationship, a common mistake that people make is to place their partners before God. Some people even completely stop paying attention to God when in relationships. No! when we place God above our partners in a relationship, we are acknowledging that his love his superior (which it is!) and we are showing him gratitude. This way, he would continue to bless us. We also get the benefit of taking the issues in our relationships to God in prayer, and he is more than ready to help out. Secondly, building a relationship with God makes us better people. When we build a true relationship with God, we become less angry, more loving, more understanding, less vain and we develop other nice virtues. These virtues are values that would help our relationships become better. Nobody would want to break the heart of a person with such good values, because if they do, then it is their loss that they are losing such a rare gem. Thirdly, when we have a personal relationship with God, other believers would feel comfortable dating us. Other believers are perfect candidates for a relationship because they know God. They know what is right and what is wrong. They know that God does not like it when people treat other people badly or cheat on them and stuff like that. They are also aware that God can get angry at them for doing these things. Therefore, a true believer is less likely to intentionally dabble in things that would cause your heart to be broken. Fourthly, if you have a solid relationship with God and you know how to hear his voice, even before you begin the relationship, if you ask God for directions, God can show you exactly what the relationship would be, issues to avoid, warnings etc. even before you begin the relationship. Lastly, even if a heartbreak ensues, knowing that the supreme being who is more powerful than other beings loves you, should make the exit of your partner’s love feel minor. You can also go to God in prayers to help you heal from a heartbreak. Building a relationship with God should help you focus more on God and less on other things.
The bible says in Psalm 147: 3
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
So feel free to go to God with your issues, trust me, he is willing to listen.
God says in Isaiah 41: 10
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”
I honestly would not like it for you to miss out. I strongly suggest that you build a relationship with God, so that you can begin to experience his sweet love. Let him love you back to life, and let him heal your hurt.
If you wish to start a relationship with God, here are the steps that I usually recommend:
1) find a quiet space free from distractions, a place where you can pray.
2) imagine that Jesus is in front of you, talk to him the way you will with a close friend. Tell him that you are ready to accept him, invite him to come into your life and become your lord and personal savior. Ask for forgiveness of past sins. Tell Jesus that you want to die to your old self and be reborn as a new creation in him. Pray that you inherit eternal life and the kingdom of God. Beware of sudden distractions when you pray, this is a trick the devil uses to stop us from having focused prayers. You might also get the feeling that God is not there or that you are simply wasting your time, this is another trick that the devil uses to discourage us from prayers.
3) If you have any specific prayers, or something specific that you need, you can ask it in Jesus name, and God would attend to the prayers. God usually has three answers to prayers: Yes, Yes but wait, and No. God has a reason for every answer, and his answers are usually what is best for you. When you pray, you need to have faith that you will receive. God does not like it when we pray but doubt his ability to provide what we want for us. Lastly, prayers and faith without works wont bring results. E.g. If all a person does is prays and has faith that they would get a job, without actually applying to jobs, they WOULD NOT get a job. God does not work that way, God loves hard-working people, and God rewards hard-work. If all Christians had to do is pray, have faith, and stay home all day awaiting a blessing, Christians would be the laziest people on earth. LOL. Your part is to pray that God should fast-track your success, so that you receive your blessings quicker than people who are relying on their own strength. Your blessings might also come in a bigger way. Remember to thank God when you get the answers to your prayers.
4) Read the bible and obey it. You can find free bibles online. You can also find free bible apps on google play. Keep praying all the time and maintain a connection with God.
5) Trials and tribulations may come your way, sometimes these are designed to test your faith, and sometimes they are simply tricks from the devil to get you to denounce the religion. At times like this, you pray to God, you fast, and you maintain consistency in the faith, this way, God would lift you above all trials and afflictions.
6) You can join a community of bible believing Christians. Having friends who are believers would keep you on track, and the conversations about the religion would be beneficial to your faith.
7) Get a water baptism, and pray to God so that you can receive a baptism in the holy spirit.
8) Begin to educate yourself on the things of the lord. Read books from ministers who have practiced deliverance, healing, seeing in the spirit, and other gifts. Read about how they got these anointing and learn more about the workings of the spiritual realm through Christian books.
(The things written in this list are not to be followed in any particular order. The most important thing is to begin by asking for a forgiveness of sins, confess Jesus as your personal lord and savior, and pray for eternal life. You can mix up the order of the rest. However, I strongly suggest you do them all simultaneously).
If you have any questions, please let me know. God bless you, have a great day 🙂
Thanks for the lovely comment and verses. I agree, having a Relationship with God before we get into a relationship so important.
I think you should make your comment into two blog posts I’m sure so many other people need it for encouragement (unless you have done something similar).
Wow Sarah! God just used you for me. Do you know that yesterday I was drafting a list of possible topics to post about in the future, and only one idea came to my mind. God does use the people around us to speak to us. I am certain that these words, although they came from you, they are directed by him specifically to me. Thank you for your beautiful response. God be with you and bless you, Amen
I’m sure they were, thanks again for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it. God bless!