LIFE AFTER GRADUATION

Last year I graduated with a degree in Accounting and Finance, a year later I’m working full time and I’m here to give you tips on life after graduation and share my experience.

GRADUATION

Graduation is an anti-climax, you spend years trying to get your degree, then you prep for graduation, do your hair, makeup, you walk across the stage, get handed your degree and then just like that it was over. The day after my graduation, was the weirdest morning, the sky was grey, it was cold and my graduation was everything but that. I felt so ill and panicked that morning that I went for a walk in the park and not to over exaggerate, but it dawned on me that this is it. I’m done with Uni, I’m an adult, I have a degree, I don’t have a job and I now have to carve the life I want to create for myself. No one can tell me what to do with my life and no one can do it for me. Then I was faced with confusion, how am I going to carve the life I want? What life do I even want? How am I going to achieve the things I want to do? Where will I find the time? I didn’t have the answer to most of the questions at the time, but I came to the conclusion that the only way I can make any of this happen is to live for myself because at least then if I don’t get what I want at least I can say I did the things that made me happy.

– Me at my graduation 🎓

Common things people say about university:

“Uni will be the best time of your life”

“You’ll make lifelong friends”

“You only need 40% for your first year”

“Living on campus is the best”

“You’ll meet the love of your life”

What happens when it’s all over and you graduate?

Do you go back to your student accommodation and cry?… No.

You join the world of adulting.

giphy

The world of adulting is challenging, to say the least.

Adulting is challenging because it is nothing you have ever experienced before. For the first time in your life you are completely done with education, unless you decide to further your education. Terminado, terminé, finito, done. No lectures, no assignments, no emailing lectures at 11:59 because Turnitin wants you to fail and most importantly no group work.

So, what do you do after you graduate? Most people have three options, travel around the world because they were smart enough to save their student loan, do a masters or find a job.

If you’re like me, you chose to find a job, congrats!

For more on finding a job after graduation, click here.

YOU CAN’T MISS WORK JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE TIRED AND YOU FEEL TIRED ALL OF THE TIME.

There’s been so many days where I’ve woken up at 6:30am and wanted to stay in bed all day but couldn’t. Not being able to miss work like you missed lectures is a shock to the system, but you’ll get over it… Eventually.

Workdays are harder than Uni day because there’s much more to do in 8 hours of work than 8 hours of lectures. It’s jam packed with tasks and responsibilities which are constantly changing, so don’t be shocked that you feel tired all the time. I thought I was tired at Uni but this is much worse because work is very challenging and exhausting.

Just to make sure it wasn’t just me that felt tired sometimes, I asked my three group chats if they felt tired most of the time, everyone said yes… So be prepared. Full time work is draining, taking the tube is draining, meeting up with friends is draining so don’t be surprised when you decide a quiet night in with a movie and some pizza is more attractive than clubbing. Although some of us have felt like that since 1st year but I digress.

WORK-LIFE BALANCE

Finding a work-life balance has been quite hard for me to be honest because there’s so many things I want to do. Life before graduation was so simple, I would go to Uni, relax, then revise or chill with my housemates, now I want to perform well at work, socialize with my friends, spend some time with family, have some time to myself, work on apieceofsarah.com and keep fit/ healthy but there are only 24 hours in a day.

My ways of trying to balance life and deal with stress are:

  • Keeping my weekends free so I can stay in bed, blog, chill with the family and opt to meet up with my friends after work. I love doing nothing on a Saturday because having my ‘me’ time is very important to me, but it’s harder said than done because my friends and I have conflicting schedules.
  • I love face masks, they’re so simple to apply, but make me feel relaxed. Having clean pores and no spots makes me feel good about myself and less stressed about all the other things going on in my life.
  • I like turning off my phone, I don’t believe we should be available 24/7, so I sometimes turn off my phone on Friday/Saturday night and some evenings.
  • I love listening to classical music, and taking long walks when things are in my mind
  • I constantly try to remind myself that nothing is the end of the world, everything is a learning curve and if you die at work, you’ll still be replaced because in the corporate world, no one is indispensable.

Full time work is long hours and can be very stressful depending on what industry and company you’re in, so it’s important to find that balance.

PAYDAY IS THE BEST DAY

One of the main perks of life after graduating is you getting PAID! Instead of depending on student finance every three months you get paid monthly which helps make budgeting your finances much easier. Payday is beautiful, the sun shines, your bank account is healthy and you don’t have to worry about the state of your finances until your standing orders and direct debits come out the next day. You’re first pay day is usually the most money you receive before HMRC start taxing you, use it wisely, save a lot of it and pay off your student overdraft if possible.

DON’T MOVE OUT YET

If you live at home with your parents, you can save up for a house. Utilize this time at home to save, renting and paying for your own food isn’t cheap. I know it’s tempting to want to move out as soon as you graduate because you’re so used to having your own space, but don’t rush it, there are so many bills that come with moving out that you don’t want to make the mistake of paying prematurely e.g. council tax, etc.

LEARN HOW TO BUDGET

Life after Uni is expensive, going to work is expensive, direct debits are expensive. Not having student discount is expensive, yes, say bye to unidays and NUS extra. Gym membership, phone bills, weekly travel cards, Netflix, Apple music, Spotify, paying for your prescription, work drinks, dinners and cocktails at rooftop bars with friends are all expensive and all these expenses add up so be wise and budget.

Let’s not forget the most extortionate expense of all, food. Buying food is extortionate, if you buy breakfast, lunch and a coffee at work you’ll be spending £12 daily, that’s £60 a week just to eat at work, so bring in your own food. I buy my own cereal, which is usually £2 and store it in my locker at work, work provides milk and the cereal lasts two weeks depending on which one I buy, so that’s breakfast for two weeks at £2 compared to buying a ham and cheese toastie from Pret a Manger for £3.99 daily, £2 for two weeks compared to £39.90. A saving of just under £20 every week from bringing in cereal. I’m not a big coffee drinker so I have Nescafé Gold cappuccino sachets in my locker, the packet is £2 for 10, a small cappuccino at Starbucks is £2.25, each. A week of Starbucks is £11.25 versus a week of Nescafé is £1 (if I drink 1 cup a day). Be smart, bring in your own food and drink.

No one can prepare you for this, so I’m telling you now, budget and save where you can. You can budget by establishing your total income for the month, all vital expenses (rent, food, travel cards) then calculate how much you can save then live off what you have.

TIP FOR SAVING

It’s always nice to know that you have money in the bank if everything goes wrong. My best money saving tip is to open a bank account that does not have a debit card access and transfer money to that account every payday. That way you know you won’t be tempted to move money out of it.

I know many people use spending money as a way to make themselves happier, me included #ILOVEONLINESHOPPING, but not having savings to fall back on for a rainy day is setting yourself up for failure. So please budget how much you want to spend weekly and stick to it. It’s ok to decline work drinks if you’re trying to save, your colleagues will go out the week after.

MEETING UP WITH FRIENDS IS HARDER THAN EVER

Your friends don’t live across the hall from you, they now live halfway across London, England or even the world. So now you must plan well in advance when to meet up, but everyone is extremely busy, juggling work, creative projects, exams and family, so you must find a way to squeeze each other in. Don’t be shocked if it becomes a recurring cycle of when are we going to meet up and both of you realize you’re not free when you thought you were and the cycle continues. I use my phone calendar to keep track when I’m meeting with friends.

Even if you don’t end up meeting up when you plan to, make the effort to keep in contact with your friends or you will be alone as everyone is busying making sense of their own life. People only have time for those who make the effort.

“WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO NEXT?” BECOMES A WORSE QUESTION THAN “HOW IS UNI?”

You would think after completing your degree, all the questions would stop, but they don’t. People always want to know what you’re going to do next or they’ll tell you what to do next. “Do you have a job yet?” *five seconds later* “Have you got a job now?” and my personal favourite, “You should do a masters”.

Do what’s right for you and keep it moving because everyone may feel like they deserve an input in your life, but only you will live with the decisions you make.

YOU MAY QUESTION IF THIS WILL BE YOUR LIFE FOREVER

It’s ok, a lot of people do, more than they liked to admit. I did this 3 weeks into my placement year because I was SO over it. I didn’t like working full time and didn’t expect it to be so hard or have so much responsibility placed on me, but my placement year prepared me for full time work now and showed me what I did and didn’t want from a job and I’m grateful. My placement was very different from others, I worked two hours away from home and had to get up at 5am to get work at 8am every day. Never again, you couldn’t pay me enough to do that.

You may question if you’re doing this right and if you’re doing enough, I know I do. I don’t think I’m doing enough, however, I do think I’m doing some things right because I tick off stuff on my to-do lists.

This will be your life forever unless you, find a career you love* (then you would actually enjoy what you’re doing), marry into wealth, become a housewife/househusband, win the lottery or find a way to make your creative passion pay for your lifestyle. If you know you already hate your grad job or the industry you work in you can either find a new job or stay until the scheme ends and then find another job but this depends on if they provide study support. For me, I’m ok with working full time, I like getting paid, I like my company, it’s almost the perfect distance from my house, I just hate how tired working makes me feel a times.

*It may be the company you work at, not the career itself.

WHAT WOULD I HAVE CHANGED?

I wish I waited a few months before applying for jobs, saved more money and travelled. Those are my regrets because now when I want to travel, I use up my annual leave which makes me sad. If you have enough money to travel before you start working, then do it. Travelling is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. If you want job security after you return from your travels, apply for jobs that have a start date of September or later in the following year, then you can attend interviews before you travel and then enjoy yourself.

Additionally, don’t be scared to apply for some roles because you feel they might not accept you. If you don’t try, you won’t know whether there was an opportunity waiting for you there.

So, there you have it. Time flies when you’re working full time, the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months. As you can see 2018 is almost over, that’s what working full time is, you blink and suddenly it’s Monday again, this happens all year.

To combat this, I plan ahead so I don’t feel like I’m wasting my life away, I try to budget so I don’t spend my money on frivolous things and take some ‘me time’ so I don’t burn out. Life after Graduation is challenging and really hard, but you get paid and you develop as a person. Not everything is lost after you finish Uni, especially if you manage to get the job you like.

Picking yourself up after heartbreak.

Breaking up with someone you thought you would be with forever is devastatingly painful. After the break up you feel like your life is in autopilot mode, the days go slower and although you try to keep yourself busy, your new-found loneliness gets to you at night.
Here are some tips to keep you going:

  1. Delete their number and previous conversations: Keeping numbers and WhatsApp conversations will make things much worse than they already are. You’ll be tempted to talk to them because that’s what you’re used to and that doesn’t help anyone in the situation.
  2. Delete them off social media: Stalking your ex on socials will make you upset, so why do it? Focus on you and forget about them, you don’t need to know what they’re doing.
  3. Remember why you broke up: After a break up we tend to look at the relationship with rose-tinted glasses and everything looks good when reminiscing but in reality the relationship wasn’t. That’s what loneliness does to you, it makes you forget all the pain suffered and crave comfort and company because that’s what you’re used to. But then you have to ask yourself, “did that person give me the comfort and company I needed or did I constantly have to beg for it?” If you have something that can remind you why you broke up keep it hidden somewhere on your phone, e.g. A break up text, a screenshot or write yourself a letter in your notes.
    Don’t let loneliness drive you into the arms of someone who doesn’t deserve you.
  4. Surround yourself with friends and family who love you:Don’t lock yourself away from the world for extended periods of time, it will make you feel like you have no one that cares for you, but you do.
  5. Let your emotions out: Cry, scream, go for a jog, write your feelings down in your journal and close the page, watch your favourite movies, cry some more. You’re allowed to be upset.
  6. It’s better to be alone, than staying in bad company:
    Self-explanatory, it’s better to be sad and single than being unhappy and in a bad relationship where your needs and feelings are constantly ignored making you feel sad all the time. You’ll get over your initial sadness of being single over time and be grateful that things ended.
  7. Being single gives you the chance to be 100% invested in yourself🥂: There are so many benefits to being single, you literally have all the time in the world to get to know yourself better. How is that not a blessing?
    • Being single allows you to take opportunities without consulting others and their feelings e.g. Travelling. You could travel the world and not think how would my partner feel?
    • You can take the time to figure out what’s important to you and what qualities you want in your next partner.
    • You have the time to start things you have been procrastinating about e.g. a blog, a business venture, reading your bible more, taking care of your health (although this should always be important, but it’s easy to forget about yourself in a relationship).
    • You learn to appreciate your amazing qualities: your beauty, kindness to others, your ability to turn bad situations around.
    • Most importantly, you can find peace in solitude. You learn how to enjoy your own company, do stuff on your own and not depend on anyone else.
  8. Don’t take things to the extreme:
    Don’t put yourself in dangerous situations because you’re sad. Binge-drinking and taking drugs will bring you pain, not peace.
  9. There’s someone out there for everyone:
    If someone isn’t treating you well, giving you the love and comfort you deserve or meeting your standards, dump them because someone else surely will. I’m a strong believer that there is someone out there for everyone so don’t settle because life is too short.
  10. Lastly, don’t rush the process:
    Break ups are hard and you can’t rush getting over someone. So take each day as it goes, don’t hide your emotions and learn how to find peace in being single, it’s worth it.

If you don’t compare, you don’t compete, so don’t compare.

Constantly comparing yourself to others is unhealthy at all ages. I say all ages because remember how it made you feel as a child when your parents compared you to your best friend who was very smart or your well behaved cousin or one of your friends who they thought was an angel but you knew otherwise… Yeah? It’s still unhealthy now as it was back then but this time you’re doing it to yourself.

When you compare yourself to others,  you start pointing out your flaws,  all the things you haven’t done compared to them and how much “better” other people are  compared to you which is very destructive behaviour.

Comparison is the death of joy – Theodore Roosevelt

Continuous comparisons can make you forget the good things you have in your life, this leads to: envy, low self-confidence, resentment and general unhappiness. None of these feelings have helped anyone achieve anything but it’s been happening since the beginning of time. Due to the rise of social media, we think we see every aspect of people’s lives, in reality, we really don’t as social media is a faux representation of life. Remember, people only show you the good parts of their lives so you shouldn’t compare yourself or feel bad  for not having what they  have. You don’t see the struggles they’ve had, all the times they have wanted to give up and what they did to get there. You only see what they want you to see The same way you compare yourself to others, is probably the same way someone is comparing themselves to you; see how crazy that sounds? So instead of comparing, you should focus on yourself  and turn those negative feelings into motivation to do better for yourself.

Why I stopped comparing myself to others:
As time has gone on, I have learnt to focus on me and not compare my journey to anyone else because it is futile and stops me from celebrating the most important person in my life, myself.  I know Rome wasn’t built in a day and my time will come as long as I work hard and focus.  Great things take time and no one has achieved success overnight (unless they’ve won the EuroMillions but then again that’s luck not an achievement) so I keep working on myself.  For example  if I decided to compare myself with other bloggers or even Youtubers who get loads of traffic on their websites and have thousands of followers, getting 1000 views per day etc then my 1000 views in my last post  would feel meaningless, it would turn into something negative and I would be upset that I wasn’t at their ‘level.’

Regardless of how things look on social media and in everyday life, no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and  has their down-days which I don’t see. Over the years I have become more appreciative of myself and grateful for what I have which has helped me want to celebrate me more because if you can’t celebrate yourself who is going to celebrate you? Lastly I find inspiration from looking at others instead of being jealous because jealousy has never helped anyone achieve anything ever. So what’s the point of me wasting my time?

As I said in the title,  If you don’t compare, you don’t compete, so don’t compare. Sometimes we’re our harshest critics, this can limit our perception of ourselves and makes us put others on an undeserved pedestal which is why comparisons are so detrimental. So stop comparing and focus on the most important person in your life, yourself. 

 

 Photo taken by me in Miami, Florida – September 2016.

How to achieve your goals

2017 is finally upon us and a new year means new goals.  Unlike the previous uncompleted new year resolutions, this year will be different.

We will achieve what we said we will, once we stay focused.

I created this infographic to encourage you to stay focused on what you want.

goals-again

 

  1. Set clear goals
    • Whatever your goal is, it has to be clearly defined. You need to know the exact outcome of what you want.
  2. Ensure your goals are S.M.A.R.T
    • S.M.A.R.T goals are : Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Sensitive
    • Specific: What exactly do I want to accomplish?
    • Measurable: How will I know when I have completed it?
      How can I track my progress?
    • Attainable:Is it attainable? Can I achieve it with the resources I have?
    • Relevant: Is this goal important to me? What will completing it do for me? Is now the right time to do it?
    • Time Sensitive: When do I want to  completion date?
    • Example of a bad smart goal:
      • I want to become a better saver this year
    • Example of good smart goals:
      • I want to save £3000 by December so I will save £250 every month
  3. Write your goals down
    • This will act as a reminder and help you concentrate
  4. Research the actions required to achieve what you want
  5. Split the actions into smaller tasks
    • This will make it seem less daunting and give yourself dates to complete it by.
  6. Plan and prioritize your time wisely.
  7. Use a vision board to help visualize your success.
    • A vision board is a collection of images  and texts that are related to what YOU want in life.  You can create a vision board for each specific goal or for a collection of goals.
  8. Execute your plan
    • Do what you said you would.
  9. Regularly review your progress to check if you are still on track 
  10. Stay motivated
    • Don’t give up!

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Toxic friendships 

Friendships are weird, you meet someone, you start talking, notice you enjoy the same things and you build from there. As time goes on you become friends.  

Over the last few years I’ve realized the significance of friendships and why it’s essential  to limit who gets to know the real you. Friends have an affect on our happiness, self esteem and not to mention stress levels. So it’s wise to not accept or entertain everyone as a friend because not everyone deserves you. Not everyone has the same heart as you and quite frankly not everyone is entitled to your time.

From my experience there are so many “friends” you need to be cautious of.
All are toxic. 

A toxic friend as defined by Jenn Berman WebMD  “Someone who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good; someone who tends to be critical of you — sometimes in a subtle way and sometimes not so subtle; a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they’re not very good for you.” 

I’m going to speak about 5 types of toxic friends, sometimes more than one of these traits are in the same person:

  1. The emotional freeloader
  2. Extremely negative friends
  3. Friends who always talk about themselves 
  4. The friend who can’t take constructive criticism 
  5. The friend who gives really bad advice

I came up with the phrase “emotional freeloader because freeloaders are people who take advantage of your generosity without giving anything in return. In this case they’re your friends and they are always emotional, hence the name.

The emotional freeloader uses you as their therapist but is never available  for the important things like meet up or attend your birthday. Always calls you when things are going wrong in their life but never asks you if you’re okay. You’re last place in their life and even the people they say they  hate  are prioritized over you. They’re untrustworthy and overtime you’ve  realized what they say doesn’t add up. As their “therapist” they usually don’t listen to you and get into the same situation again and again and again. Which regularly takes up your time and energy. No one should waste your time nor energy. Let’s face it, your friendship is one sided and you’re making all the effort. They don’t value you and  their problems are not worth headache they’re causing.
Either communicate or cut them out. 

Extremely negative friends. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.

I feel like there’s two types of negative friends in the world: 

  1. The one who thinks the world is constantly against them 
  2. The one who wants the world to be constantly against you 

For most of  this section  I’ll  be focusing on the latter. Negative people are bad for our health. Google it. Misery loves company and all negative people  do is bring you down with them. They want you in the same place as them, if not, below. You tell them your ideas, they say “it can’t happen/it won’t work” or something unsupportive along those lines. Remind you of someone? Yeah? Steer clear.

If you have to pause before telling a friend positive news because you fear the backlash you will receive, or they’ll say something negative to put you down?
Chances are you shouldn’t be friends in the first place.
Don’t let people project their negative thoughts and feelings onto you. 

I’ve learnt to always listen to people’s response and tone when talking about good and bad things. Why? Mainly because too many people are more excited to hear about your failures than achievements, which is why it’s  good to keep things to yourself sometimes.  

Part of me thinks “friends” are negative  to compensate for their own shortfalls as it makes them feel better about themselves. Another part thinks they believe they’re  in some sort of competition with you. The rest of me believes it’s because they’re evil. 

Cheque please!

The friend who always talks about themselves. You’re trying to say how you feel and they’ve interjected with something completely unrelated but totally about them. Or your friend will interject with something related but they will make the conversation about themselves and this happens constantly. You feel as though  you’re fighting to speak and in the end you give up. You’ll end up talking  about them for what seems like an eternity and  as a consequence your problem is still unsolved so  your emotions are neglected.  Sometimes people are unaware and they don’t notice their selfishness. Talk to them about their behaviour, otherwise cut them off or limit the time you time spent with them. 

The friend who can’t take constructive criticism: Your friend is in the wrong, you’ve told them and they’re angry at you?! Anyone who can’t take constructive criticism and is angry/insulting when you give it to them needs to be avoided. I say constructive criticism because the aim is to get a positive outcome and it comes from a good place. 

I had a friend a few years back who could never accept when she was wrong and her attitude was vile. She was a funny person when she wasn’t being horrible but she was too proud to accept her faults.  One day in the summer of 2012, she walked off because I was apparently  “taking too long in a shop and why should she be heading home late because of me?”

¿Que?

Bearing in mind I had spent roughly six hours with her that day trying to buy the  things she needed. We went from East London to South London then back to East. That’s one hell of a TFL journey  with several tube changes and a bus. I told her, her attitude was still horrible and I was upset since I did all those things for her but she didn’t have the courtesy to spend 15 minutes in River Island with me. (I say “still” because we had spoken about it before and she had lost friends because of it.)
Anyway she didn’t take that text well at all and I found out how she truly felt about me. Let’s just say it was horrible and I laughed at the texts with my mum. Anyone with that kind of hatred in their heart shouldn’t be in my life. We thank God.
What you call a wolf in sheep clothing.

A year or so later she  messaged me to apologize which I think I replied to and she added me back on Facebook years after that which she ended up deleting because I just left it there. People like that should never be in or allowed back into your life, ever.

Burn that bridge before it burns you. 

The friend who gives you really bad advice: I can’t even repeat the worst advice I’ve ever received but let’s just say my excuse for ending the call was “I need to get back to reading the Da Vinci Code.” Anyone of a sound mind who gives you bad advice or you make several bad decisions around should be avoided. If your friend tries to push you to do negative things, act dangerously, unhealthily, do something that’s borderline illegal  or downright stupid they need to go, they’re not good for you. 


Good friends will always want the best for each other. Period.

When people show you who they are, believe them. Don’t use the length of your friendship as an excuse to keep them . When I was younger I used to hold on to friendships, not anymore, I value my time, energy and sanity too much. I don’t regret any friends I’ve lost because people are never worth the inconvenience they cause. Overtime we mature and become conscious of who our friends really are, it’s acceptable to cut people out, especially those you’re not growing with and starting to resent because they are one of the friends I spoke about.

If you really want to hold on to the friends I’ve mentioned, then talk to them because sometimes people are unaware of their actions. Unless they can’t take criticism like #4 then run for the hills.

If you’ve read this post and can relate to it,  then leave a comment/share your thoughts.

If you’ve read this post and can’t relate to it,  you either have a great friendship group which you should cherish or you’re the toxic friend.  Hopefully it’s the former. 

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