The pain of feeling unappreciated. 

Unappreciated and overburdened. 


There is nothing worse than going out of your way for someone and when a similar situation arises, they don’t do the same for you or they don’t say thank you.  While you shouldn’t do things for others in expectation of receiving something in return; it’s still painful to know that,  that person wouldn’t and doesn’t appreciate you or your time. There are so many people who do not have the same heart as you and do not have good intentions for you, which sets you up for many disappointments along the road. Don’t get me wrong, there are good appreciative people in the world and if you find them, keep them close but there are plenty of users too. The person reading this may or may not be a user too, but only on self-reflection can you answer this question. When this happens to me, I try to remind myself that God will reward me for doing things out of the kindness of my heart, but sometimes that isn’t enough.

When you feel unappreciated you have three options:


  1. Say how you feel 

  1. Distance yourself

  1. Don’t go out of your way for them again

Speaking about your feelings –  If you’re like me, you probably hate speaking about your feelings out of fear of overreacting or saying something offensive because you’re undiplomatic, or you expect everyone to have a certain level of respect/common sense/unselfishness and most importantly to avoid conflict. You have to stop biting your tongue to avoid hurting someone who is hurting you, I mean, how else would they know how you feel? Depending on the situation is and how angry I am, I get my point across by writing down how I feel then speaking to the person later so I don’t forget the important points and to make sure I’m not over-reacting and to avoid saying something hurtful.


Distancing yourself – Self-explanatory. I avoid that person and situations where I would feel inclined to go out of my way for them, this could be late replies to texts and decreasing my availability.  If you feel unappreciated by everyone around you, take some timeout to enjoy your own company, but don’t overdo this as it can be unhealthy.


Don’t go out of your way for them again – This is hard when you have a giving spirit and you like helping others but you can’t let people exploit you and your kindness. Remember you’re not a doormat, so put your foot down. If I feel like I’m going out of my way for someone (based on our level of friendship and our past) I will stop and ask myself would they do the same for me and if that answer is “no” I don’t do stuff for them because I have boundaries to set. Setting up boundaries around unappreciative people takes some time, but it’s worth it and you won’t regret it because when people get comfortable they think they are entitled to your time and resources when they’re not. You have the strength to say no or refer them to other people when you’re asked for things, as there’s no point doing things for people who will just take and take and take until you’re left empty, you need to look after yourself.


See my previous post: “The Power of Saying “No” 


To conclude, being unappreciated hurts but remember that you always have options when it happens. 

How to achieve your goals

2017 is finally upon us and a new year means new goals.  Unlike the previous uncompleted new year resolutions, this year will be different.

We will achieve what we said we will, once we stay focused.

I created this infographic to encourage you to stay focused on what you want.

goals-again

 

  1. Set clear goals
    • Whatever your goal is, it has to be clearly defined. You need to know the exact outcome of what you want.
  2. Ensure your goals are S.M.A.R.T
    • S.M.A.R.T goals are : Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Sensitive
    • Specific: What exactly do I want to accomplish?
    • Measurable: How will I know when I have completed it?
      How can I track my progress?
    • Attainable:Is it attainable? Can I achieve it with the resources I have?
    • Relevant: Is this goal important to me? What will completing it do for me? Is now the right time to do it?
    • Time Sensitive: When do I want to  completion date?
    • Example of a bad smart goal:
      • I want to become a better saver this year
    • Example of good smart goals:
      • I want to save £3000 by December so I will save £250 every month
  3. Write your goals down
    • This will act as a reminder and help you concentrate
  4. Research the actions required to achieve what you want
  5. Split the actions into smaller tasks
    • This will make it seem less daunting and give yourself dates to complete it by.
  6. Plan and prioritize your time wisely.
  7. Use a vision board to help visualize your success.
    • A vision board is a collection of images  and texts that are related to what YOU want in life.  You can create a vision board for each specific goal or for a collection of goals.
  8. Execute your plan
    • Do what you said you would.
  9. Regularly review your progress to check if you are still on track 
  10. Stay motivated
    • Don’t give up!

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