by Sherry Argov is a guide for all the ‘nice’ girls out there that bend over backwards for the men in their lives but always get left high and dry.
It’s for the women that helped ‘build’ a man up and when he’s fully constructed he leaves her with bricks, cement and a huge bill of emotional distress and wasted time.
It’s for the women that are too nice in their nature and are never fully appreciated for it because the people around them assume that they will always be there for them, regardless of how they are treated.
What I liked about the book?
I like how straightforward Sherry’s advice was and how she backed up her points with examples which made the book more relatable. Hence why it gripped my friends and I from the beginning.
There are two types of girls in the book and their actions define who they are.
The Nice Girl™:
- Does everything for the man she is dating/wants to date / in a relationship with
- Is always changing her schedule for him
- Her world revolves around him
- Takes disrespect
The Bitch :
- Maintains her independence
- Doesn’t pursue him
- Remains in control of her time.
- Places a high value on herself.
The Nice Girl and the Bitch treat the four main themes of the book differently:
- Overcompensating and self-worth
Overcompensating and self worth
Attraction Principle number #1
“Anything a person chases in life runs away”
The Nice Girl goes over and above for the guy she’s dating by cooking gourmet meals when they met last week and looking after his dog when he goes on a lads weekend.
The Bitch will do nothing for him and sets boundaries from the beginning which is why she ends up getting chased, because she is so nonchalant about his existence.
Sherry has illustrated why overcompensating always puts you at a disadvantage because it reeks desperation. Overcompensating can also show that you’re not comfortable with being on your own because you’re so concerned about the person you’re dating to see your worth through how much you can do for them. This backfires because the guy you’re dating will think you’re trying too hard, which will push him away, or he will leech off you (whether it’s asking you for money and cooking for him because you’ve now taken up the role of his second mum) and that’s all because he knows you’re willing to give without receiving anything in return. That’s why so many guys praise a girl for being nice but barely ever treat her right because she’s too nice or even see her as the marrying type. When things end with the Nice girl he’ll go for the Bitch who is nonchalant about his existence, who he’ll end up treating well because she doesn’t care about keeping him.
“A man will always want what he can’t have. When a man meets a woman and she seems nonchalant, it becomes a challenge for him to win her affections.”
The nice girl takes disrespect by trying to reason with him and giving multiple chances, whereas the Bitch doesn’t. The Bitch responds to disrespect by leaving the situation completely, she respects herself and won’t be treated badly by anyone.
The nice girl will drop everything to be with him and is happy to be with him every second of the day. Cancelling previous plans just to cater to him and work around his schedule is a big no! Women are more likely to cancel plans for men, but this effort barely ever gets reciprocated. When was the last time you heard a guy say ‘guys I’m gonna cancel our gym session today / night out later to bond with my girl’ if anything they will say they’re busy and she will work around it never the other way round. The nice girl makes the mistake of being available all the time, so he doesn’t value her time. Whereas the Bitch keeps her life going. If she’s unavailable, she won’t see you, if she’s meeting up with friends, she’ll stick to her plans and he’ll want her because she isn’t running after him, she keeps herself busy, sometimes she accommodates his availability, only sometimes.
The Nice girl needs to be with the guy to feel better about herself and is very needy and she may rely on him financially. When someone knows you need them, you give them a free pass to start treating you badly. E.G. if you rely on a man financially he could treat you like dirt because he knows you won’t leave because you need his money. When you have your own finances, you can leave whenever because you are self-reliant. Hence why I’m always an advocate of women having their own financial security so that they don’t have to depend on anyone but themselves and have a contingency plan if things go wrong.
The Bitch is self-assured and self-reliant. She is who she is, she will not take disrespect, she is confident within herself and her abilities and has her own finances. When you compliment her, she takes it because she knows who she is with or without you. She has her own finances, but likes to be wined and dined because she’s worth it and she’s seen as an equal partner because she’s nonchalant about his existence. The Bitch gets treated well because she loves herself and doesn’t let her standards slip and if you don’t reach her standards, the door is to the left. She isn’t scared to be single and being without him isn’t the end of the world.
Attraction Principle #20
“He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner”
Things I didn’t like about the book
I disliked chapter 4, The Dumb like a Fox section because it felt childish, it was all about playing to a man’s ego which I thought was code for lie to him. Advice like if he brings you flowers and you want them to continue tell him they’re the’ prettiest flowers’ you’ve ever seen, what if the flowers are not the prettiest flowers you’ve ever seen, what if you like white roses instead of white lillies? Also driving, “let him parallel park your car or back it out of a tight spot. If you tell him he’s a “much better driver” than you are, he’ll really be eating out of your hand. He’ll probably wash your car or fill your tank” He may wash my car, but what if he’s a terrible driver? I’d be lying. This part felt a bit childish and gave me damsel in distress type vibes, I understand being a damsel when bugs are around but everything else I didn’t approve. It felt like it was contradicting Sherry’s point of not being needy, childish and acting like his little sister.
Do I recommend this book?
YES! A million times over, it’s great for women who have found no luck dating and have been wondering where they went wrong. It’s also great for those feeling neglected in relationships. The book constantly reminds women that you need to put yourself first, not the person you are dating. You can buy it HERE
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