Why Men Love Bitches – the Review 🚹🚺

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov is a guide for all the ‘nice’ girls out there that bend over backwards for the men in their lives but always get left high and dry.

It’s for the women that helped ‘build’ a man up and when he’s fully constructed he leaves her with bricks, cement and a huge bill of emotional distress and wasted time.

It’s for the women that are too nice in their nature and are never fully appreciated for it because the people around them assume that they will always be there for them, regardless of how they are treated.

What I liked about the book?

I like how straightforward Sherry’s advice was and how she backed up her points with examples which made the book more relatable. Hence why it gripped my friends and I from the beginning.

There are two types of girls in the book and their actions define who they are.

The Nice Girl™:

  • Does everything for the man she is dating/wants to date / in a relationship with
  • Is always changing her schedule for him
  • Her world revolves around him
  • Takes disrespect

The Bitch :

  • Maintains her independence
  • Doesn’t pursue him
  • Remains in control of her time.
  • Places a high value on herself.

The Nice Girl and the Bitch treat the four main themes of the book differently:

  1. Overcompensating and self-worth
  2. Disrespect
  3. Availability
  4. Self-assurance

Overcompensating and self worth

Attraction Principle number #1

“Anything a person chases in life runs away”

The Nice Girl goes over and above for the guy she’s dating by cooking gourmet meals when they met last week and looking after his dog when he goes on a lads weekend.

The Bitch will do nothing for him and sets boundaries from the beginning which is why she ends up getting chased, because she is so nonchalant about his existence.

Sherry has illustrated why overcompensating always puts you at a disadvantage because it reeks desperation. Overcompensating can also show that you’re not comfortable with being on your own because you’re so concerned about the person you’re dating to see your worth through how much you can do for them. This backfires because the guy you’re dating will think you’re trying too hard, which will push him away, or he will leech off you (whether it’s asking you for money and cooking for him because you’ve now taken up the role of his second mum) and that’s all because he knows you’re willing to give without receiving anything in return. That’s why so many guys praise a girl for being nice but barely ever treat her right because she’s too nice or even see her as the marrying type. When things end with the Nice girl he’ll go for the Bitch who is nonchalant about his existence, who he’ll end up treating well because she doesn’t care about keeping him.

“A man will always want what he can’t have. When a man meets a woman and she seems nonchalant, it becomes a challenge for him to win her affections.”

Disrespect

The nice girl takes disrespect by trying to reason with him and giving multiple chances, whereas the Bitch doesn’t. The Bitch responds to disrespect by leaving the situation completely, she respects herself and won’t be treated badly by anyone.
Availability

The nice girl will drop everything to be with him and is happy to be with him every second of the day. Cancelling previous plans just to cater to him and work around his schedule is a big no! Women are more likely to cancel plans for men, but this effort barely ever gets reciprocated. When was the last time you heard a guy say ‘guys I’m gonna cancel our gym session today / night out later to bond with my girl’ if anything they will say they’re busy and she will work around it never the other way round. The nice girl makes the mistake of being available all the time, so he doesn’t value her time. Whereas the Bitch keeps her life going. If she’s unavailable, she won’t see you, if she’s meeting up with friends, she’ll stick to her plans and he’ll want her because she isn’t running after him, she keeps herself busy, sometimes she accommodates his availability, only sometimes.

Self-assurance

The Nice girl needs to be with the guy to feel better about herself and is very needy and she may rely on him financially.  When someone knows you need them, you give them a free pass to start treating you badly. E.G. if you rely on a man financially he could treat you like dirt because he knows you won’t leave because you need his money. When you have your own finances, you can leave whenever because you are self-reliant. Hence why I’m always an advocate of women having their own financial security so that they don’t have to depend on anyone but themselves and have a contingency plan if things go wrong.

The Bitch is self-assured and self-reliant. She is who she is, she will not take disrespect, she is confident within herself and her abilities and has her own finances. When you compliment her, she takes it because she knows who she is with or without you. She has her own finances, but likes to be wined and dined because she’s worth it and she’s seen as an equal partner because she’s nonchalant about his existence. The Bitch gets treated well because she loves herself and doesn’t let her standards slip and if you don’t reach her standards, the door is to the left. She isn’t scared to be single and being without him isn’t the end of the world.

Attraction Principle #20

“He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner”

Things I didn’t like about the book

I disliked chapter 4, The Dumb like a Fox section because it felt childish, it was all about playing to a man’s ego which I thought was code for lie to him. Advice like if he brings you flowers and you want them to continue tell him they’re the’ prettiest flowers’ you’ve ever seen, what if the flowers are not the prettiest flowers you’ve ever seen, what if you like white roses instead of white lillies? Also driving, “let him parallel park your car or back it out of a tight spot. If you tell him he’s a “much better driver” than you are, he’ll really be eating out of your hand. He’ll probably wash your car or fill your tank” He may wash my car, but what if he’s a terrible driver? I’d be lying. This part felt a bit childish and gave me damsel in distress type vibes, I understand being a damsel when bugs are around but everything else I didn’t approve. It felt like it was contradicting Sherry’s point of not being needy, childish and acting like his little sister.

Do I recommend this book?

YES! A million times over, it’s great for women who have found no luck dating and have been wondering where they went wrong. It’s also great for those feeling neglected in relationships. The book constantly reminds women that you need to put yourself first, not the person you are dating. You can buy it HERE

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The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter & How to Make the Most of Them Now #SarahsBookSoiree

This post is a summary of why you should read :

The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now

I’ve recommended this book to everyone since reading it. I personally think this book  spurred me on to create this blog, that’s how much its changed my life.

Clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay writes about her experiences working  with twentysomething year olds who are trying to navigate their way through life and sometimes avoid their responsibilities because they’re scared of what the future holds. Or these twentysomethings are idle in both their love and work life and need that kick in the right direction to stop them wasting one of the most important periods of their lives, their twenties: The period where people lay the foundations of their wealth and tend to be free from commitments like marriage and children. The book also warns of the dangers of being idle in your twenties and why you should not let time pass you by.

The book is split into three sections:

  1. Work
  2. Love
  3. The Brain and the body

Work:

Contains several stories and anecdotes relating to those who have stayed idle in their twenties and rather than taking charge of their lives, were waiting for someone to come along, and carry them on their journey, kinda like a bouy in the ocean, swaying from side to side wondering where the sea would take them.

If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, and that is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.

Charles de Montesquieu, Writer/Philosopher

Work also discusses the dangers of social media, how young people  complained that their “life should look better on Facebook” and then got upset when they saw  other people living “better” than them. Which is why we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others because it does nothing for our lives and leads to you feeling less empowered and more helpless.

Another issue discussed were how people avoided the uncertainty the comes after making decisions because they were afraid of the unknown.

It talks about unthought known which are things we know about ourselves but somehow forgot. These could be dreams that we have lost sight of or the truth we sense but don’t say out loud, people tend to be afraid to say these thoughts to others due to how they may react and hide them from themselves because they are afraid of the outcome.

Love:

Discusses the dangers of dating without purpose as it leads to people panicking then settling down when they suddenly hit 30 with people they don’t actually like and are not compatible with. The dangers of cohabiting are mentioned and how it elongates dead relationships because people don’t realize they’re no made for each other until a long time after and sometimes have to stay due to signing a long term tenancy agreement.  It also talks about the big five personalities: openness, conscientiousness, extraverison, agreeables, neuroticism. These personalities give you an idea of how you react in different situations.  It also states the obvious, good sex and your partner being attractive isn’t a good reason to stay with them.

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.”

Leo Tolstoy, Writer

The brain and the body:

Spoke about how the brain is still developing in your twenties and the sheer panic people face entering their first job after university, something I related too when doing my placement. Also says  How employed 20 year olds are happier than their unemployed counterparts. How being in  a relationship can make you feel more secure and responsible and although being single is glorified in the press it doesn’t particularly feel so good. My favourite part of this section was the talk about managing fertility. Fertility peaks in your late twenties but starts to decline at thirty and thirty-five because the woman’s ability to carry a baby to full term decreases, meaning miscarriages become more likely and eggs have trouble implanting due to hormones. Fertility in men also declines as older sperm is associated with neurocognitive problems in children such as autism, schizophrenia, dyslexia and lower intelligence overall.  Which is why it is important for both sexes to think about their fertility.

“When we try to do something new we don’t know what we’re doing. that’s the biggest challenge”

Jeffrey Kalmikoff, Designer

To summarize:

The overall messages I got from reading this book are:

  1. It is better to start divulging into new experiences now than wait until your thirty to start doing new things because contrary to popular belief. Thirty is not the new twenty. There is a big difference between having a life at thirty and starting it at thirty.
  2. Life will not stop for you. Time will keep going, your friends will keep going, so you need to get going and  start working towards your future.

 
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